Crazy Cullen Love
by beckysparkles
Summary: This is an Entry into the worst story ever contest. Its a work of stagering littritury genius. Or not! ENJOY


**Hi guys this is my entry in to the Worst storey Ever Contest. Yep thats right it is meant to stink, so enjoy my craptastic story. Oh and in advance I am really really sorry for this xx**

**Disclaimer...I own nothing everything you see belongs to stephine meyer I have just done some weird shit with it...Again let me stress I am SORRY.**

**Crazy Cullen love**

Emmett Cullen was six foot of spunky hunky sex, all the girls in school wanted to date him. But Emmett was dating Rosalie hale a 6 foot blonde goddess with boobies the size of her head.

Today however they were having a row.

"Emmett you over musceled fairy I hate you and I wish we had never met!" Rose screamed in front of every one in the lunch hall.

"Kiss my sparkly butt, you mirror whore!" Emmett screamed back and stuck two fingers up at rose.

"You go girl!" Said Jasper and patted Emmett on the back while giving Rose a death stare and sticking his tounge out like a two year old.

With amazing aim, Rose threw a plate at Jasper that hit him directly on the nose, it promptly smashed into a million tiny little pieces, and they showered down into the eyes of Mike who had got to close not wanting to miss any of the action.

"AGHHHHHHHH" he screamed clutching his eyes and falling to the floor like a drama queen.

Emmett stared at mike and then without thinking scooped him up into his arms.

"Jeezz Rose you cud of blinded the kid!" he said and then ran him to the nurses office. Every one in the lunch hall stared in amazement, as they all new that Emmett hated Mike and wasn't a sensitive guy.

Jasper held his nose and stared at Rose then whined "Rosey you could of hurt me" Rose who new this wasn't true, said ""Suck it up, you wimp," but then Jaz totally cheated and filled the room with feelings of guilt and remorse, sending rose into a shame spiral that had her falling to her knees in remorse of her actions and begging Jasper for forgivness.

Meanwhile in the nurses office Emmetts softer side was being revieled as he gently bathed Mikes eyes and stroaked his cheek murmmering "shhhh its ok, its ok emmy bears here theres no need to fear."

"What the fuck!" Screamed Miike and tried to pull away from Emmett, but Emmett placed both his big hands on Mikes cheeks and and whispered seductively. "Mike you have the prettiest eyes I have ever seen, I have had a man crush on you forever, I think...I think...well I think I love you!" And with that he gave Mike a full on tounge sandwich snog, while simutaniusly groping his left butt cheek.

Mike tried to resist but Emmett had over sixty years to practice his technique and it would of taken a stronger man than Mike to resist. He surrenderd with a moan and clung to Emmett like a cling on.

Emmett could control himself no longer, he flipped Mike over on the nurses table, and pulled down his sweats and then his thong. (Yes thats right he was wearing a thong)

The school nurse who had seen many things in her 40 years a s a school nurse simply watched quietly from the chair in the corner and filmed the whole thing on her phone, wondering how many hits this little video would get on u tube.

Emmett was whispering sweet nothings into mikes ear and at the same time reaching above his head for vasaline, he applied some liberally to his nine inch love muscle then plunged it into mikes bottom with a contented sigh.

Mike screamed with joy the both rocked gently together to the sound of the crackiling brown paper that was beneath them and the breathing of the filming nurse.

They came together in a glorious moment were they heard the angels singing. The moment was then ruined by Rose and Alice entering the room. Alice had obviously seen a vision of what was going to happen and had grabbed Rose to try and stop this illicit encounter, but they were to late, and the vision of Emmett and Mike 'doing it' on the nurses table, had caused Alice to teemperarily loose her mind, all she could do was rock back and forth grasping her head and saying "my eyes my eyes, the mental images have burned my mind."

Edward and Bella then turned up, Edward had heard Alices distress and had scooped up Bella and ran to her aid.

So all three of them stood in the enterance of the nurses office in motionless shock. (Alice was rocking in the corner at this point)

At that moment the sun burst forth from the clouds and shone in through the window that was behind Emmett, He began to sparkle and glow, Then everyone saw mikes stomach lite up like a light bulb , as Emmetts giant member sparkled from with in him proud and true.

Bella fainted, Rose screamed, Edward continued to stare, Alice continued to rock, and the poor nurse who had finally seen one shinannagan to many, died instantly from a heart attack. (But don't worry her grandson inherited her mobile phone so the video still made it onto u tube.)

Seeing the hurt in Roses eyes Emmett realised what a fool he was to give in to his man crush, he pulled out of mike and ran to her begging for forgivnesss.

Mike felt betrayed and angry, he had given Emmett his butt virginity and felt that being dumped directly after was a little harsh. So he began to beat Emeets back.

Emmett could hardly feel it and consentrated only on rose, begging over and over for forgivness and trying to kiss her, Rose was astrong woman though and dumped Emmett instantly and went off to find solice in the arms of Jessica. On whom she had a sectret lady crush. Edward was trying to revive Bella who was still unconscious. Alice was still rocking in the corner. Emmett turned back to mike who was now laying on the floor in a snotty crying heap.

"I...Thought...You...Loved...Me" sobbed mike cluthching his stomach and wiping away the snot. Emmett decided to cut his loses with Rose as she was a controlling bitch anyway and start afresh with mike. Leaning down to bite him and give him life eternal, he stopped suddenly as Mikes stomach began to glow again, all of its own accord, Emmett stared as Mikes stomach grew instantly in front of them, sparkling and glimmering in the sunlight, it filled the room with an ethereal glow.

Then the entire contents of the room could see the out line of a baby glowing in Mikes stomach.

"Your pregnant" gasped Edward and touched Mikes stomach.

"But im a man" Mike screamed staring at his ever expanding stomach.

"That would be my super strong and totally magic vampire sperm!" Laughed Emmett as he kissed mike with joy.

Mike began to scream as labour began, As this was a magical vampire man pregnancy it only lasted five minutes, from conception to birth.

As mike screamed in pain, Emmett watched in wonder as a beautiful little hafling baby began to emerge from Mikes bottom. (Thats right it comes out the same way it gets in)

The baby fell to the ground and was scooped up by Emmett and washed in the sink then he kissed it all over and discovered that it was a boy!

Emmett stared lovingly at his son who grasped his little finger and smiled at him, "I shall call you Emmike after your daddies" He said and he cradeled both Mike and little Emmike in his arms.

Mike was weeping silently, partly from joy and partly from passing a baby from his bum.

As Emmett scooped up his lover and child and carried them out of the school every one stared in amazement and Emmett decided to make the moment perfect. He placed mike down and got down on one knee.

"Will you be my life partner and enter in to a civil relationship with me?" He asked.

"Yes of course I will!" Mike replyed.

"NOOOOOOOO" screamed Rose and Jessica as they stared at the retreating backs of their former men. Both fell sobbing into each others arms finding comfort in each other...

Three months Later.

Emmett and Mike civil ceremony was a sight to behold, the whole place was decked out in pink and lace, Bella and Alice were bridesmaids and they wore outfits inspired by lady gaga.(Alice was still a little crazy but at least she had stopped rocking!) Little Emmike was the ring barer and stood proudly next to his daddies. At three months he could walk talk and read tenneson of course! Although being the son of Mike and Emmett he preferred to read viz magazine. But this civil ceremony was a double joy, for Rose and Jessica had too found lady love to their liking and had decided to get wed as well.

The whole Cullen family wept with joy as the Two couples were joined together. Edward and Bella held each other, Jasper and Alice did too and Carslile And Essmee, simply smiled with resignation. What ever made their children happy made them happy, although how they were going to put up with Mike and Jessica for the rest of eternity was anyones guess.

The end.


End file.
